


Such a Good Actress

by reigningqueenofwords



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-27 02:37:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18295157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigningqueenofwords/pseuds/reigningqueenofwords
Summary: Request:  @littlehotmess26 So I have a request. DeanxReader. Reader hides her anxiety and depression from dean. He comes home early from a hunt just in time to save her from suicide. Angsty with lots of fluff and understanding.





	1. Chapter 1

You’d learned the art of acting well. To anyone who knew you, none would paint you as the picture of anything but happy, and healthy. Even your eyes would never betray you. While your smile was contagious, your eyes would light up when you laughed, and you were almost always the one trying to keep the mood up…below that was a different story. That’s where the truth sat. The dark truth of who you were. The dark thoughts, the twisted images that would force their way through your brain. You knew it wasn’t your fault. You knew it was the chemicals in your brain. However, that didn’t stop you from feeling responsible for everything. Which was why you planned what you had.

_Taking a bite of your cereal, you were staring at the same spot on the table that you had been for the past 5 minutes. You never heard Dean come in. You didn’t hear him make his coffee. You didn’t even hear him sit down. It wasn’t until he cleared his throat that you jumped and looked up at him. Instantly, you schooled your features. Smiling, you swallowed your food. “Morning, Dean.” You sounded just as happy as ever._

_He chuckled lightly. “Cereal that good?” Dean teased, licking his lips before sipping his coffee._

_You rolled your eyes playfully. “Oh, you have no idea.” You said dramatically. “What’re your plans for today?” Changing the subject was usually a safe bet- anything to avoid talking about yourself._

_“Ah, got a hunt.” He sighed with a small shrug. “You wanna tag along? Pretty sure it’ll get boring without Sammy around.” He’d been gone a couple days to help out an old college buddy with a simple ghost issue, leaving you and Dean at the bunker all alone._

_Shaking your head, you faked that you enjoyed the thought. “And miss being able to listen to what I want, walk around in as little as I want, and touch all your goodies?” You smirked, teasing him. “Not a chance. I am staying right here, thank you.” Getting up, you drank the last of your milk and moved to the sink. “But, if you really need me…” You glanced over your shoulder at him._

_Dean got up, rolling his eyes. “Keep dreaming, sweetheart. Just means a room all to myself.” He smirked, wiggling his eyebrows. You pretended to be disgusted, earning a grin in return.  
_

* * *

Your Y/E/C eyes scanned the library, wondering if it would even work. Biting your lip, you shook your head and moved away from the well maintained room. Finally, you found yourself in the war room. You took a deep breath and moved up the stairs. It was really the only place in the entire bunker that this would work. Crouching, you moved quickly, making sure the thick rope was well knotted, and that there was no chances of it failing you.

_“You sure you don’t want to come?” Dean asked, for what seemed to be the hundredth time._

_You shoved him lightly towards the stairs, laughing. “No, I don’t want to listen to you and some bottle blonde go at it in the room next to mine, thank you.” You told him. “Just gooooooo.” Your voice was almost whining. “I’d like to commence my boy free time.”_

_He shook his head. “Don’t girl it up in here.” Dean told you, pointing a finger. You raised your hands as if you had no idea what he was talking about. “Unless it’s those tiny chocolates on our pillows, in which case, dark chocolate.”_

_“Loser.” You teased. “I’ll see you in a week.” He hugged you quickly before jogging up the stairs._

_“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” He called over his shoulder._

_“There’s nothing you wouldn’t do!” You laughed._

You set each envelope up just so, each one with neatly written names on the front. Cas. Dean. Sam. Had Charlie and Bobby been there, their names would have flowed elegantly on the paper, as well. Your fingertips brushed the edge of the table one last time before you moved to where your noose had been hung. Under it was a wobbling step-ladder. You weren’t afraid of dying, it’s what you’d wanted for a very long time. The human body, however, would try to keep itself alive. This was your insurance.

* * *

Dean had finished his hunt much quicker than he’d anticipated. He hadn’t called, wanting to surprise you. Grabbing his bag, he also grabbed the plastic store bag. He’d stopped, bought popcorn, soda, and a couple movies.

He was moving leisurely into the bunker, and down the stairs. Something caught his eye, and he dropped the bags, rushing down the rest of the stairs. Your eyes were closing, and he couldn’t remember ever being more scared in his life. He knew that he had to act fast, or they’d- he’d- lose you. Climbing quickly along the side of the stairs, he grabbed your shirt shoulder as soon as he could, trying to give it some slack.

His knuckles were white, gripping the bar as he tried to pull you to him. Dean wasn’t letting go, though, no matter how his muscles screamed at him. Finally, he felt you were close enough, and he saw a tiny space between your neck and the rope.

Now his mind was racing. “Fuck.” He muttered. “CAS!” He yelled as loud as he could, his voice echoing off the walls. “CAS!”

“De-” Cas’s voice stopped when he saw why he was calling. He could see Dean’s arm shaking, his body trying to fight his will to hang on. Cas grabbed a sturdy chair and moved below you. Dean only moved you down enough so that Cas would catch you when he cut the rope.

Pulling out his knife, he worked fast, terrified he was too late. His eyes watched you slump towards Cas, and his eyes watered. “Her room.” Was all he said.

With a nod, you and Cas were gone. He put you down gently, removing the rope from your neck. With a solemn look,  he healed your bruises, and any damage that might have been done in those moments when you’d passed out.

Dean ran towards your room, and when he rushed in, Cas was gone. He knew he’d healed you, though, and sent him a silent prayer of thanks. “Oh, fuck.” He breathed, his hands on his knees, tears rolling down his cheeks. His entire body screamed at him, but he didn’t care. Looking up, he saw your chest rise and fall and smiled softly. You’d be okay, and he’d be there when you woke up.

Pulling off his jacket, and kicking off his boots, he moved to hold you, not wanting you to be alone.


	2. Breaking Character

Slowly, you opened your eyes and blinked them a few times, fully waking up. You were surprised to see Dean lying next to you in bed. Not only that, but his arm was over your waist, his face up against your arm as he held you close. The last thing you remembered was kicking the step-ladder from beneath you.

“Dean?” You whispered, afraid of speaking too loudly. “Dean?” You repeated, this time shaking him slightly.

His grip on you tightened slightly as he stretched his legs and groaned. “Five more minutes.” He muttered sleepily.

You shifted slightly, moving to face him more. “Dean?” You said just a bit louder.

Finally, he cracked his eyes, giving you a glimpse of the beautiful green color of his eyes. “Hey.” He breathed, giving you a small smile.

“Why?” You furrowed your brows. “Why save me?” You weren’t stupid, you knew that Dean was the one to get you down. While you didn’t remember, who else would have been there?

That snapped him awake the rest of the way. He moved so that he was resting on his elbow, his left hand tucking your hand behind your ear before resting it on your stomach. “In all the shit me and Sammy have been through. In all the cases we’ve had…I’ve never been so terrified.” He told you softly, a sad look on his face. “My only thought was getting you down. My muscles begged me to let go, I was hanging onto the rails of the stairs, and gripping your shirt with everything I had. I wasn’t losing you.”

Tearing up, you licked your lips. “I still don’t know why you’d want to save someone like me.” You whispered, looking into his eyes.

Closing his eyes, he rested his forehead against yours. “I don’t want to live my life without you in it.” He said softly. “I’m sorry if I ever made you think differently. I’m sorry if we made you feel unwanted in any way. Fuck, I’m so sorry.”

You cupped his cheek and gave him a small smile. “This was something I’ve wanted for a long time.” You told him honestly. “I just couldn’t do it anymore. You don’t see inside my head. I’m tired, Dean.”

Dean opened his eyes and looked into yours, hurt and confusion on his face. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“You and Sammy have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Why would I bother you with something as small as this? Why would I tell you about the war in my head, when the two of you have your own?” You gave him a sad smile.

“Because you are my world.” He teared up. “I’m sure what I dropped on the stairs is still there. Unless Cas picked it up for whatever reason. A couple movies, popcorn, and some soda. I finished my hunt early and all I wanted was to come home to you.”

You pulled him close, holding him as you cried. Letting out a sigh, he buried his face in your neck. “This doesn’t fix me, Dean.” You told him quietly.

Pulling away, he licked his lips. “You aren’t broken. You don’t need fixing.” Dean told you. “You just need some help making it through life. God knows how screwed I am.” He half joked.

“Help me?”

“Sweetheart, I’m just about the last person you want to ask for that kinda help.”

Smiling, you shook your head. “Help me…get help?” Your voice was barely above a whisper. It scared you. You’d succumbed to the thought suicide was your only option, that you’d live your life acting if you didn’t.

Dean grinned, nodding. “Of course.”

“How about those movies?” While a huge part of you was upset that your plan was ruined, you didn’t want to dwell on that. At least for now. Dean had enough to worry about without worrying about you killing yourself.

“Deal.” He agreed, nodding before kissing your forehead.

Sliding out of bed, your chest ached as you looked over to him. You were afraid he would look at you differently now, would treat you differently. Dean got out of bed as well, stretching. “Or should I let you keep napping?” You teased him lightly.

He chuckled and shook his head. “Nope. I’m good.” Moving around your bed, he made his way to the door, waiting for you in the hall.

You walked in silence for a bit before you grabbed his hand and stopped him, making him look at you. “C-can we not tell Sammy?” You asked him, a sad look on your face. It was bad enough that Dean would look at you differently, you didn’t need Sam being disappointed in you, too.

“Sure.” He nodded, giving you a sad smile, pulling you into another hug. “My lips are sealed.” Dean assured you, not even thinking about Cas telling him.


End file.
